Forgiveness: The Best Gift We Can Give Ourselves

Hi babes,

We are getting real on the blog today. Sit back and relax because we are going to a little place in our hearts that hold a lot. This little place holds sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, fear and so much more.

Recently, forgiveness has been on my mind. We constantly forgive people every day. Big situations and little ones. Until this time last year, I held a lot of anger and confusion about a specific situation in my life. A situation that was completely out of my control. I’m going to get personal on this post because sometimes we need a little wake up call, reminder, sign, or inspiration. After you finish reading this post, I encourage all of you to let go.

We all know the saying, “forgive and forget.” We’ve been told that in order for the sadness and hurting to go away, we must free ourselves from whatever has caused us pain. But what if you have forgotten those that hurt you? What if you’ve let go of those who have hurt you and still feel sad? Isn’t letting go of those people who cause us pain suppose to make us feel better?

Let me ask you this… Have you forgiven yourself?

So, I want you to go back into that place in your heart. The place that holds the good memories and the bad. The place that brings you happiness and sadness. The place that holds pain.

What happened? Was it a breakup? Death? Broken friendship? Absent parent? Who have you had to forgive for causing you pain?

I want to talk about my situation for a second.

I grew up with an amazing single mother. Beautiful, hardworking, strong and independent. She gave me the world.

But, for a really really really long time, I couldn’t see the positive in my life. Everything that i’d been blessed with was blinded by a lot of pain and hurt.

I didn’t have my father in my life. He was completely absent. When I lost my first tooth, rode my first bike, won my first trophy, graduated from 5th grade, had my first crush, had my first heartbreak, waited nervously for my first date, got ready for my first dance, or even walked across stage for high school graduation and said goodbye to my teenage years… he wasn’t there. This blog post yet alone words cannot explain how much pain that caused me. Why me? Was I not good enough for you?

What hurt the most was the fact that he was absent because he chose to be.

I had a lot of anger built up inside of me… It seemed like there wasn’t enough tears to let it all out.

But something over the past year happened… I woke up and I was okay. I didn’t feel sorry for our relationship and I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I felt sorry for him. Really, really sad for him.

Someone must have a lot of pain and hurt in them to show someone else pain.

I’m okay and I will be okay. We are all okay and we are so lucky to have this life.

I forgive myself. I forgive myself for not realizing this sooner. I forgive myself for holding on. I forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused others because of the pain I had in my own heart.

I forgive.

I realized…

Stop Blaming Yourself

Picture a bandaid slowly ripping off your skin. Each second you take, the more it hurts. That’s exactly what we are doing when we blame ourself. The longer you keep thinking it is your fault, or that you could have done something different, the harder it will be to move on. Stop over analyzing every damn thing. Stop thinking, how? what? when? and why? Just stop.

Stop Punishing Yourself

The longer you keep dwelling on the past and feeling like it was your fault, the harder it will be for you to move on.

Remember your first heartbreak? When you have your first heartbreak, you don’t think the world will continue to spin. You can’t picture life without that person. But we carry on, and here we are today. Time heals everything but we also have the power to heal ourselves. That starts with letting go and forgiving ourselves. Think about how powerful your heart is… our heart is the strongest and most powerful muscle in our entire body. Our heart has the power to heal and love. Do you want one of the most powerful parts of your being, filled with hate?

Let me give you a little example. I was so blinded by the hurt one person caused me, I wasn’t seeing the blessing that was right in front of me. My stepdad came into my life and has been the best father to me. The best father I could have possibly ever asked for. Because I was dwelling on the past and “what could’ve been” I didn’t get to see “what could be”

Always keep going in life. Learn from situations and move forward. But, when its time to move on from a situation or relationship, your heart and soul knows it. Allow yourself to be free and move forward.

Whether you are reading this post and you are thinking of an ex friend, boyfriend, parent, coworker, pet, whatever it may be… please allow yourself to be free. Allow yourself to live. Shit happens. What would life consist of if shitty things didn’t happen? And what would life be if we didn’t allow ourselves to forgive? Deep down inside, we have the option to choose what type of person we want to be. Do we want to be sad and angry? Do we want to live our lives on “what-ifs?” Or do we want to be free, happy and healthy? It’s your life… you pick!

You Control Your World

Think about everything that your situation is made up of. Really, think. If you are dealing with a breakup or broken friendship, think about all of those little memories. The good ones and the bad. Guess what? All of those little things, some of which you don’t even remember, happened for a reason. A really good reason. You cannot control everything in life but you can control how you react to everything life presents you. You have the power to control how you react to every single situation in your life.

To finish off my story, I forgive my dad. I forgive him for letting me go. Why? Because look at where I am today. I’m surrounded by an abundance of love. So, its okay that one person did things a little differently. That doesn’t change the people who love me, the people I love, and the experiences and opportunities I will have in life. But, I will tell you, forgive people. Forgive people that have caused you pain, send them love, and be grateful that they have given you one of the hardest life lessons in life. You’ll overcome it, don’t we all?

Most importantly, forgive yourself. Life is made up of experiences. Amazing ones and shitty ones. We are all here for a good reason. Forgive yourself for the good and bad in your life.

You deserve to be free.

“We often hold a grudge because we don’t want to let the other person off the hook. But who’s really hoooked: the one who’s moved on or the one who’s holding on?”

xx

B