BURNING SENSATION

 

Do you ever just feel a burning sensation in your heart (no, it’s not the burger you ate for lunch)?

It’s just this feeling in your heart that’s always there. It never dies. Just lingers on as you go about your day.

Almost like a little whisper in your ear, telling you to keep going.

Well, mine hasn’t been whispering lately, it’s been SCREAMING at me. Telling me to get the fuck up and do something.

Do you know what I’m talking about? The feeling of your heart aching for something MORE, something bigger than what you are even capable of describing. Something you aren’t even sure exists.

I’ve been searching hard for this “something” and I’ve been reading every single day to try and find my answer somewhere..

This morning I stumbled upon this poem by one of my favorite writers,

“you tell me to quiet down cause

my opinions make me less beautiful

but i was not made with a fire in my belly

so i could be put out

i was not made with a lightness on my tongue so

so i could be easy to swallow

i was made heavy

half blade and half silk

difficult to forget and not easy

for the mind to follow” – Rupi Kaur

 

I laid there, curled up in my overly slept bed and read this to myself over 10 times.

That’s it.

The fire in my heart is screaming at me because I’ve been trying to put it out.

It’s SO much easier in life to just numb the feelings. Feelings bring a shit ton of problems, right? Feelings mean potential failure. Feelings are like standing naked in front of a crowd while everyone else has parkas on.

Remember in church when you had to sit there quietly but you couldn’t help but squirm in your seat?

Remember when you were a kid, riding in the backseat of your mom’s car, asking well over a thousand questions about the world outside that little car window? Those questions were quickly followed with, “Shhh, close your eyes, we’re almost there”

Remember Saturday mornings, when the air was crisp outside and all you wanted to do as a child was run freely, screaming to the top of your lungs because it was a new day? And before you knew it, your mother would come outside to tell you to “quiet down because your neighbors were sleeping”?

Remember in school, when you just had to tell your best friend across the room about the boy who just broke your heart, but you were quickly silenced by the science teacher?

We are always told to just quiet down. Since we were little kids, we’ve been told to be silent.

 

In our world, silence is preferred. Want to know why? Because silence is COMFORTABLE. Silence has boundaries.

It’s much easier for everyone to keep their voices down following by their heads. To just go through life, “minding their own” they say.

It’s much easier to walk than run.

How magical would the world be, if we were told to be LOUD? Be loud and fear nothing.

Be loud for things you love. Be loud for WHO you love. Be loud for the things that break your heart. Be loud for the things that drive you fucking crazy. Be loud for the passion building in your veins. Be loud for those who don’t have a voice.

I’ve been silent pretty much my entire life. I’ve learned that it is much easier to tame that burning sensation in your heart and fire building in your belly than to let it out.

If you are still reading this, I think you agree.

Trying to keep the flames out is exhausting. And something tells me this flame isn’t ever going out.

So, let’s pour kerosene into our fires.

 

 

 

Bri